Essay: Physicality and Comfort

[edgeofjustice]

Yuri is, physically, a very open person! A lot more open than he is mentally. You see him early-on ruffling Karol’s hair, and I think it’s just evident I the way he carries himself (THAT SHIRT, ANYONE) and all the fancy shit he does with his sword, the crazy acrobatics, etc, just VERY COMFORTABLE with his body and knowing how to manipulate his body and unafraid of using his body. Physically, he’s a bit hedonistic—good food, good fights, good sex. Mentally, he’s REPRESSED REPRESSED REPRESSED in terms of doing things that make him feel emotionally better. He practically refuses to seek comfort, for a couple different reasons. One, because he doesn’t think he deserves it—I think I’ve mentioned before, but Yuri lacks the ability to justify himself. He’s a murderer and a criminal, and he knows it, and he pathologically can’t fall back on “It was the right thing to so.” Because, Yuri knows, it wasn’t! It would have been more fruitful to have the criminals prosecuted. He says again and again he did what he did because he had to do it. Partially, this might actually be Flynn’s fault—they’re such perfect counter balances that they just DON’T let each other get away with shit. But it’s also just how Yuri’s constructed. He’s very stable in that he can check himself, but he checks himself too harshly and the equilibrium he keeps isn’t necessarily beneficial to his own emotional health. He is TOO common-sense smart to really be anything but starkly realistic, but he has the heart of an idealist. He also just flat-out sucks at admitting he has feelings (AS ESTELLE POINTS OUT) and things that he wants selfishly (Estelle Estelle Estelle come with me!!!!). (As a side note, since it just occurred to me, there may also be an issue of Yuri being SO used to Flynn that he’s just used to ONLY having Flynn tuned to his problems… And then when Flynn became more and more busy with the knights, Yuri only had Repede, and as smart as Repede is he can’t really help with Yuri’s self-value issues. :D;)

Some of how I read present-day Yuri in Aather comes from my headcanon for the three years between when he quit the knights and the start of Vesperia. During First Strike {When Yuri is about 17-18) Yuri is pretty damn naive--he doesn’t pick up on innuendo, he is clearly emotional when killing (I DISCOUNT THE ENDING WHERE HE KILLS GALISTA because it’s ridic). In Vesperia, Yuri can competently flirt, recognize sexual situations, and has no problem controlling his emotions is bad situations. That’s a lot of growing up in three years. At least on the sexual front, I think of him as having been fairly promiscuous after he finally lost his virginity, at least for a time, and then probably cutting himself off after realizing that sex required more emotional investment than 1. he was able to give 2. than he was able to receive, especially after he invested himself more and more into the lower quarter’s problems and he started the terrible circle of aggravating his own self-value issues and bitterness toward the empire by failing to FIX EVERYTHING EVER in the lower quarter. Yuri over-corrects and has unrealistically high self-standards. It’s a problem.

The big difference is that in Aather, he started off as a blank slate: young, physically competent, social, but without all the mental baggage of not being a good enough person for his own standards. So he could totally enjoy that college-age urge to just have fun and indulge his natural physicality! He was… unprepared, when he started just getting a SLEW of negs. Him killing Ragou, assisting the Don’s suicide, Barbos telling him he’s going to hell... And he just got into this pattern with Vincent—bad memory, sex, bad memory rough sex. This has done two things. 1. AVOID PROBLEMS USING SEX. Reinforced because he and Vincent had sex instead of talked. A lot. :D 2. ALLOWED Yuri to seek, and to WANT comfort. That’s actually a good thing but, as Yuri has been realizing, he has been way to over-reliant on it. Too many of his emotions have been spilling out in general, and especially onto Vincent. Lately he’s been getting back memories of him having his shit together--forming Brave Vesperia, arguing with Flynn about killing Cumore--and there has also been a lot of IC stuff going on (becoming Elliot’s brother, talking more with Vincent, fucking up his deal with the Lion) that is just smacking him in the face with responsibility.

So… as of right now Yuri’s ducks are getting in line and he’s realized that he’s been getting by on rough sex with his boy… friend… thing... and that’s 1. antithetical to his natural way of coping (swallowing it down and redirecting energy) and 2. just bad by anyone’s standards. He’s is going to start (HAS BEEN STARTING, with difficulty) to sloowly start pulling himself away from that. Not necessarily stop having sex, but stop using it and physicality in general (including fighting) as an outlet. Basically, sliding back into a more party-leader mindset as opposed to just going along for the ride like when he was back causing trouble in the lower quarter. This might... also be good for his self-esteem on a surface-level because he will start really bottling up his negative feelings, and Yuri functions super-well when he is repressing! I have no idea if this will result in his over-correcting like he does (see: his reaction to Judy’s betrayal after the Don’s death. Trauma trauma → SUPER REDIRECTING ENERGY INTO FIXING GUILD AND PUNISHING JUDITH!!!!)

Questions, comments... concerns.

Comments

[fallinflames]

:|aa I'm just curious atm about his deal with the Lion and how he fucked it up.

[edgeofjustice]

Oh it was just the whole nickname thing. Something dumb Yuri did on a lark.

[fallinflames]

... what was he doing it for, and why did he drop it? (I know nothing about what was going on with it)

[edgeofjustice]

It was literally something he just did on a lark to fuck with the Lion, to make the Lion call him "Yuri" instead of 'little knight.' and I dropped it because personally I lost OOC traction and ICly he dropped it because people were in love with calling him Yuri (which was disallowed by the quest) and it just become too cumbersome and also he really missed his named and 'learned his lesson', so to speak, about nicknames and interpersonal relationships.

[fallinflames]

Hmm... makes sense. Thanks for explaining.

[skywards]

But fighting is a great outlet . . .

I HAVE CONCERNS. CONCERNS ABOUT YOU BEING DUMB. Just you wait until I get the right memories to STORM KING THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.

[edgeofjustice]

iyaaan Ikki-sama make your wind blow through me~

[dormancy]

... It's too short.

[dormancy]

Alright, let's see, let's see . . .

How has he been emotional at Vincent? Like I know there was that one thread, but I haven't seen it in great leaps. Or is it from earlier on when he was always fucked up about his memories?

And I forgot my other question, but it might come back. :|a Also, I love how both Vincent and Yuri decide to fix their shit within five days of each other. Clearly, our timing is excellent. —Oh, not the one I was thinking of, but is Yuri just going to be giving physical space or is he going to keep poking Vincent about PH world? Talk to me on his "plans".

[edgeofjustice]

It’s not necessarily that he’s been emotional AT Vincent, rather, he’s been emotional with Vincent in the vicinity. There have been at least two times where it was Yuri is memory-fucked →sex with Vincent, and probably more if I checked (though yeah, this is more of an early phenomenon). As a matter of course, Yuri does not like exposing his feelings, and he tends to go fuck off by himself when he can’t keep a lid on it. So even when he is feeling a lot it’s pretty understated (Unless he is being pissed of that you touched someone who belonged to him). So he’s got this subconscious thing where he’s associating that’s it’s OKAY to feel things strongly when Vincent is around. Which is a totally normal thing for a normal person to feel around his normal lover. But we’re not normal. Like, in both the instances in which Vincent was injured it was just, BAM, instant feelings, and then even more feelings when Vincent rebuffed him. So that’s Yuri’s own memories tell him to out a lid on it, and Vincent is doing likewise. HOWEVER, this is not for Vincent. Capping it down will make Yuri feel better and more in control just... perhaps not in a healthy way.

So Yuri’s ‘plan’ isn’t necessarily to avoid contact, just tamp it down and STOP substituting sex for communication and good old-fashioned repression. He wants sex to go back to just being fun--like when Vin drugged him! (which is not to say he doesn’t enjoy the emotionally intense sex. He might enjoy too much, is the problem) He wants Vincent to get the sense that he respects his space--physically, mentally, emotionally--and that he’s not just clinging to him out of emotional reflex. So yeah, asking about PH world is sort of the beginning of, let’s build a relationship (not necessarily a romantic relationship) off of more than really great sex and occasional breakdowns. In the grand scheme, he wants Vincent to trust him--he wants each of them to be able to trust and respect the other. I think I’ve noticed this trend in my question memes, that Yuri is afraid Vincent doesn’t respect him (why should he? he doesn’t respect himself) and that’s just tied in with Yuri’s self-value and wanting to be an effective person, etc.

... I'm like 100 words shy of yours now.

[dormancy]

. . . There is nothing in this reply that is not magic. I keep cracking up, oh gosh.

[edgeofjustice]

Yeah... idfk.

[dormancy]

~Magic~.

[edgeofjustice]

I feel like this icon is probably appropriate.

[andallthekingsmen]

I will beat u bro

[edgeofjustice]

:(

[andallthekingsmen]

SERIOUSLY

BEAT YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE

also my other brother died and i got back a memory of my sister dying

[edgeofjustice]

E-ELLIE.

Do you need big brother Yuri. :(

[andallthekingsmen]

PROBABLY.

i'm sorry i adopted you just in time for like the.

8 dead family member memories i have coming