edgeofjustice

[handwave]

Still means I had an advantage over you that didn't really put us on equal footing.

...We're not on equal footing regardless.

... I'd like to be, but I guess what I really want to know is where you want to go from here.

We can't be on equal footing, Yuri. I'm yours, right? And even if you don't count that... You're a knight, and everything that gets you, and I'm not. You... have someone else, and I don't.

That doesn't tell me anything about what you want to happen.

I don't know what I want to happen! I've told you this, Yuri, I can't do this casually. I want to be yours, completely... but I can't ask that of you, and I'm better off not, anyway. But that doesn't stop me from wanting it. What do you want? You still haven't told me that.

[looks... slightly vexed, brow furrowed in confusion, which clears as Raven questions him and he answers]

I want to have you. But not at your expense.

No, you don't. Not like I mean. It's different, Yuri.

So explain it.

No. You're just saying what you think the right answer is. I want to hear what you want, from me, for yourself.

I want to know how it's different for you. For me, this is simple. Wherever this--[handwave to indicate... the sex]--goes, or doesn't go, you're already mine; I already have what I want as long as you stick around.

If you don't care either way, why did you make such a big deal of pushing me about it?

Because ignoring it would have been pointless.

I wasn't ignoring it. Did we really have to have sex to see just how hung up on you I could get...?

No, we 'really had to have sex' because that's what happened, and it was probably going to happen at some point regardless.

It's not that simple, Yuri! Just because I wanted it doesn't mean it was going to happen. It's tied up with everything else with you, for me.

[laughs shortly] An all-consuming lust and a whole-hearted longing, right?

...

[leans his forehead on his knee]

So... that's what I mean when I say it's different.

... I get it. I think.

And it's not really fun to do that when I know you don't feel the same.

... I can't imagine feeling that way about anyone.

Mm.

[well, I think we've located the epistemic gap at the root of all our trouble

looks kind of awkward and vaguely troubled]

...It's not like I mind this [handwave] itself. I've enjoyed all of it. [touches his neck] But... when it's all there is... and I can't have more from you, and I can't from anyone else because I'm only thinking about you...

[shakes his head]

I don't know how to give more.

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