Yuri Lowell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
edgeofjustice) wrote2011-10-11 11:36 pm
edgeofjustice) wrote2011-10-11 11:36 pm
Entry tags:
queston meme
ANOTHER CONTINUATION PO--
no just kidding.
~Question meme!~
For Yuri Lowell and Mikura Kazuma.
no just kidding.
For Yuri Lowell and Mikura Kazuma.
no subject
Gonna make this quick and dirty cause I am about to go to bed and you can ask me to expand on something if you want to:
SO. Yuri started flirting with Raven because Raven was hot and it was an easy way to talk to him back when Yuri was avoiding having any real feelings. TIME PASSES and he and Raven bond over canon memories... Yuri notices that Raven basically has terrible self-esteem. Flirting takes on a new note, a note of "Make Raven stop being so negative." TIME PASSES Yuri goes through some shit and becomes like 50x more stable; it basically snaps him into party-leader mode which mean Raven... goes back to being his in a very firm way.
The hot springs dream was very much on the fly--Yuri's sexual interest in Raven is more along the lines of asserting his claim but also just making Raven know that he is worth someone's time, worth Yuri's time. (And it was hot; it wasn't a wholly unselfish gesture)
Yuri's reached the point where he's sick of being bogged down with uncertainty and the negative aspects of the past so it frustrated the HELL out of him when Raven started pulling out a truckload of excuses. He pushed Raven to make sure he was actually serious, and also because he himself was just so sick to death of having to deal with everyone's mental crap! But he recognizes that Raven had a valid point--Yuri's has other people he loves, and he'd never just BE with Raven, and that does hold him back a little. Hurting Raven is the opposite of what he wants to do.
His feelings about Raven are actually pretty straightforward: you're mine, stop being a moron. He really DOESN'T care if Raven doesn't want to sleep with him, but if he does and he's just scared and throwing a bunch of what-ifs around to push the issue off Yuri is going to punch him.
Now... tell me all your feelings about that thread Raven. Also, what are you gonna do :3.
no subject
But anyway! This is going to be really long, sorry.
I figure for a while (but particularly since Ferris' heart game and Yuri's subsequent teasing and such) Raven has been considering the possibility of being sexually attracted to Yuri! Enough so that the hot springs dream was probably not wildly shocking to him although it definitely got more explicit than anything he would have come up with on his own. But it was kind of the final straw of accepting that this was in fact a thing that he wanted.
The particular reason that thread went the way it did was a combination of factors! As I said in IRC, Raven had a complicated day.
In the morning he talked to Beatrice and had an argument about having unrequited feelings for someone; she said it was useless and pathetic and he shouldn't romanticize it, and he said that really the only thing that has ever made him want to be a good person and improve himself was love and respect for someone better than him. He was thinking of Canary when he said that! But it doesn't take much of a stretch to remember that Yuri was the one who pulled him out of his depression more recently. Which is not to say that he was suddenly like "oh, I love Yuri too" but it kind of tilted his perspective so that he could consider that was a possibility. Because Yuri is really important to him.
Then later he had the thread with Yuri with the draping and talking about Vincent, which was just like... a reminder of everything. He wants Yuri, Yuri is super casual about teasing him, Yuri has other important people.
THEN LATER or around the same time I guess idk how my timelines are working, Raven got really topped by Spitfire! They made out and Raven turned him down eventually, ish, telling him that he didn't really know how to or want to have sex with friends. Which is true! He remembers having casual sex and not wanting to do that anymore, and then he remembers hopeless one-sided feelings and then he remembers a lot of depression and avoidance. Technically he doesn't know how to have a serious relationship either but that's something he feels like he understands and wants more! HE HAS ISSUES WITH FEELINGS and having sex with Spitfire would not have helped them because he likes Spitfire but he doesn't think Spitfire really understands him at all (because Spitfire says he admires him and thinks he's a good person...). IT WOULD FEEL LIKE DECIEVING HIM? Or something like that. And it wouldn't be emotionally fulfilling for Raven. That said Spitfire topping him was super hot and trying to turn him down was intensely frustrating.
Then Raven ran into Yuri having drunk a lust potion and he just like... hit the feelings event horizon. He was emotionally exhausted and sexually frustrated and his immediate reaction was yes, want, there was no question or denial there at all. But... the idea of being with Yuri is a HUGE THING in his head, okay. When Raven starts actually thinking about wanting Yuri you have to envision this huge spinning vortex of feelings.
It's not just wanting sex with him, obviously! It's not even just wanting a relationship with him. Yuri owns his life, and he has a preeeeetty borderline unhealthy outlook on that, influenced a lot by his years with Alexei, where what he would like to do is just turn over his personal autonomy to Yuri so he doesn't have to rely on himself to make good decisions. Obviously in reality Yuri is way too much about people making their own decisions to let him do that! But it's... a delicate balance. Because Raven doesn't trust himself to make his own decisions and would kind of rather die (in canon at least), and it's really only because Yuri has stated that he's taking control (of him) that he can move forward at all.
IN AATHER Raven is actually a lot more independent and somewhat aware of how that's not the most healthy outlook. But he's still pretty affected by it!
So "I want Yuri" is not just "I want Yuri to fuck me against the wall of a prison cell" or "I want Yuri's full attention" or "I want a relationship with Yuri," it is also "I want Yuri to control me." Aaaaand at the moment he does not remotely trust himself to not let all of those bleed together. And he knows a relationship with Yuri, or having his full attention, is unfeasible because Yuri has other important people, and putting himself in a situation where he'll want that will only lead to disappointment! And he doesn't want to put himself in the position of wanting Yuri to control him either, because he's... actually doing his best to be reasonably responsible, partially because he's removed enough from Yuri that he can't rely on him.
AND he thinks all of that is ridiculously unfair to make Yuri deal with, because Yuri doesn't need to be put in the position of disappointing him, or given the responsibility of controlling him, or generally having to deal with his issues. Especially because he still kind of thinks of Yuri-in-Aather as a separate person from Yuri-in-his-memories, and is surprised when Yuri... pays any attention to him, and especially when he does stuff like reminding him that he's his.
TL;DR: TOO MANY FEELINGS. WAY TOO MANY. Was that even remotely coherent. I need to get to sleep too.
HOW MUCH OF THOSE FEELINGS DID YURI GET FROM RAVEN'S EXCUSES? He obviously is not as analytical about this and I realize he wasn't being very clear. |D