Yuri Lowell (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
edgeofjustice) wrote2011-11-10 03:18 pm
edgeofjustice) wrote2011-11-10 03:18 pmEntry tags:
Question meme
This time it is just for Yuri Lowell.
edgeofjustice) wrote2011-11-10 03:18 pm
no subject
To expand more on "take what I can get," another big part of Raven's conflict is that he really does often feel that anything he can get with Yuri is the best that he can get. While he does really want a dedicated romantic and sexual relationship with someone, he has like zero faith in himself to manage that, especially at the moment. So sometimes he's like... okay yes this is not the dedicated relationship I idealize and really want in my heart, but it is sex with someone I care a lot about, and that's a hell of a lot better than anything I managed before, whatever the downsides. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST ENJOY IT FOR WHATEVER IT IS LIKE EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME?
That is another thing that makes him feel like the feelings in their relationship are really uneven, though, because obviously that is not a concern for Yuri! Yuri has stated that plus or minus sex with Raven makes no difference to him, whereas for Raven it is functionally the difference between the best thing he's had ever and nothing. Add that to the romantic feelings or lack thereof on each of their parts and you get why he reacted so negatively to Yuri suggesting they could be on equal footing.
And that imbalance of feelings makes him feel really vulnerable. Although again I don't think that would really bother him as much if he felt like Yuri was... taking advantage of the vulnerability? To make his feelings into a terrible sex analogy, it is like he has stripped and laid himself out naked and wanting for Yuri, and Yuri is just sort of strolling by casually going "sure, do whatever you want, I don't care either way." The core problem here is not that he's naked and Yuri's not—while potentially awkward and obviously not equal, that could also be the opposite of a problem in the right circumstances. So likewise the problem is not the feelings imbalance being present exactly, it is that Yuri is not being a very attentive top about it. :|a Feelings top. THIS IS CLEARLY THE BEST ANALOGY EVER.
Because yes he loves Yuri a lot and now that they've had sex kind of wants to have sex with him all the time, and so even more than Yuri not returning those feelings he feels like Yuri is not even... appreciating them. Or him. Except when they are actually having sex and he can do things for Yuri, which is pretty much the most amazing feeling ever. And Yuri obviously enjoying himself with him and Yuri saying he wanted to get screwed senseless has reassured him that the desire in the relationship is not completely one-sided. BUT SEX CANNOT BE ALL YURI WANTS, Raven has no clue what he's doing with men and obviously cannot be the best lay ever. So that is why he keeps asking what Yuri wants... because he very much feels like he is in the more vulnerable position in this relationship, and would be pretty much willing to try just giving Yuri whatever he wants from him! Even if that's... camaraderie, occasional mild affection and sex on days that are a multiple of three. Or whatever. Knowing that he could try to settle himself to being happy with that much. But Yuri keeps saying that there's nothing he wants from him. :x Or that he just wants to do what Raven wants. And Raven is like... but what I really want is completely unreasonable to ask someone who doesn't want anything from me. IT MAKES IT HARD TO COMPROMISE.
I really am sorry Raven has so many feelings. But you better reverse me.
no subject
1. You are important to me.
2. You clearly are attracted to me
3. I am also attracted to you
He really didn't understand why Raven kept accusing him of being casual. Like, I've acknowledged you're important to me. Of course I'm not being casual. Same thing with how Raven kept bringing up the fact that Yuri had someone else; he didn't see the bearing it had on his relationship with Vincent. Yuri's logic was very "Well we are definitely involved either way; sex is just a nice bonus." BUT he was only half telling the truth when he said he could take it or leave it. Yuri has super positive feelings about sex, so of course he wants physical intimacy with Raven and to make Raven feel good. He wasn't kidding when he said he didn't really need anything from Raven because he already HAS what he wants--that camaraderie.
Yuri knows he's in an advantageous position because Raven is 'his' and there's a power issue; he didn't know he had that kind of feelings advantage over Raven, which is why he flinched in the Endgame thread. He should NOT have that much power over someone, and no-one should be that invested in him. He tried to fix the situation by being vulnerable himself so it was kind of a cold bucket of water to the face when he realized that he was just too deficient. He couldn't understand Raven's feelings, just for lack of ABLE to feel that way. He doesn't even feel that way about Vincent.
Even if you stripped away his self-denial issues, Yuri just ISN'T a person who needs much. Or, rather, he gets what he needs by being a useful person. So fucking up Raven by not being able to give him what he wants is kind of a blow. He was basically AS VULNERABLE AS HE COULD POSSIBLY BE an it wasn't good enough. It's not that he won't return the depth of feelings, he just flat-out doesn't have those resources.
BRIEF NOTE: I mentioned in chan that Yuri is feeling more and more that Vincent is the only one who will have him. Sharon's heartgame ended up happening at a hilarious time because Yuri just keeps getting more and more entrenched into Vincent's world, and he's beginning to think that it's probably just for the best that Raven distance himself from him, since he himself is becoming more distant from Terca Lumireis.